As a child I was a horrible student.From being painfully slow to learn my ABC's, to falling behind in grade school, to almost flunking my sophomore year of high school I felt that I indeed was hopeless.
Growing up I was always painfully aware that I lacked what so many others seemed to have. I made dumb decisions, I said dumb things, and often lost sleep regretting my actions of the day.
As an adult I was determined to be different. To be a woman who others respected. Really I just became hard hearted.
I remember in my 20's I was proud to say people could call me any word in the book and it would not faze me.
Any word but
STUPID.
In the military I got in a couple of drunken fights over that word.
As a single mother in college I studied late into the nights to earn grades that would wash the pain of that word out of my mind.
But once saved in 1995, cleansed by the blood of Jesus, I found that being teased or even rudely told I wasn't that bright still hurt.
Once again I found myself tossing and turning in regret over something I said or did. I would painfully go over every detail and word wishing I could just take it all back...be different somehow...
CHANGE.
That is until one day in
PRAYER
I had the most awesome revelation!
I AM STUPID!!!!
Without the leading of the Holy Spirit and knowledge of the Word of God I say stupid things, I do stupid things, I am a stupid woman.
Can you say
FREEDOM?!!!
In my heart I was rejoicing over the very thing that had caused me much pain, tears, and rage since a little child.
Without Him I am a stupid woman.
My only job in life is to get as close to the Holy Spirit as I can, listen to His voice, and obey.
He will tell me what to do, where to go, what to say, how to think.
It is His absolute joy to lead and teach me how to
BE.
And if I really desire to hear His voice I will hear it in my children, my spouse, my leaders, a sinner, or even nature.
I will desire the pain of every rebuke because I know it's making me like Jesus and I will receive his every encouragement and press on.
I will hear it if it's said sweetly or rude. I will hear it if it's loud as thunder or a faint whisper.
And here is the kicker folks. (I'm smiling ear to ear even as I write this.) YOU ARE STUPID TOO!!!
I don't care what your title is, how long you have been saved, what degrees you hold, or how much knowledge you have.
If you and I insist on doing things our own way instead of intently, DESPERATELY, listening for the voice of the Spirit ALL DAY LONG and, obeying what He tells us to do, we are
STUPID.
So don't be mad. Embrace your INNER STUPID (OK now I'm laughing.) Let the knowledge that you NEED Him drive you into deeper prayer and a quietness of the soul that will enable you to hear Him.
Be liberated in your loud and fervent declaration that apart from HIM you can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
We cannot go wrong following Him.
He will lead us directly to Himself.
Blessed is the man who listens to me, Watching daily at my gates, Waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoever finds me finds life, And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 8:34-35
I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies are my meditation. Psalm 119:99
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Gal 5:16
